We’ve all been there: the hottie we fondly imagined would be our dream date until they opened their mouth and started to speak. Then, the awful moment of truth: another let-down who could walk the walk but couldn’t talk the talk – and a useful reminder that good communication is just as, or even more, important than physical attraction.
Communication problems are one of the main causes of relationships failing to take off or eventually breaking down, despite otherwise sizzling chemistry between two people. Makes no difference how great the sex is: if a couple can’t easily relate to each other’s ideas, really listen to each other, and discuss everyday issues without tearing each other apart, sooner or later they’re going to run into trouble.
Researchers have found that after three or four years at the most, even in the hottest of romances, the passion gradually starts to wane. As sex becomes relatively less important, in turn good communication comes more to the fore: this is the time when, if you’re unable to talk to each other in a civilized way, you’re most at risk of splitting up.
Mercury - the Planet of Communication
How easily – or not – you’re able to communicate with your lover depends mainly on the configuration of Mercury – the planet of communication – firstly in our own birth chart, secondly in theirs, and thirdly and most importantly, in your chart comparison. If you don't know your own, or someone else's Mercury sign, you can find it here!
When your own natal Mercury is well set up, you’re off to a good start in almost any relationship in terms of your ability to put across your thoughts and ideas clearly and harmoniously. On the other hand, challenging aspects to your natal Mercury mean that in general you’re likely to have to work harder than average at establishing a strong mental and verbal rapport with others.
Learning to Talk to Each Other
Most of the worst communications problems in relationships tend to arise when both of the individuals involved have difficult natal Mercury placements, and in addition the Mercury connections between their charts are also awkward. In this case, to have any hope of things working out in the long term, they’re going to have to put a lot of effort into learning how to talk to each other.
Whatever the situation, an astrological analysis can help by throwing light on the main communication issues likely to cause trouble and what we can do to put them right. Typically, it’s the ‘hard’ aspects between Mercury and any of the outer planets – Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto – as well as Mars of course (the planet of war!), that reflect the toughest communication challenges with the deepest psychological implications.
Understanding Verbal Power Play
When power games are in play between two people – and let’s face it, in most relationships this is always the case to some extent, albeit without our conscious recognition – how they speak to each other on a daily basis is a clear indication of what’s going on at a deeper level.
Those habitual verbal put-downs we all dish out, mostly unawares (depending upon the Mercury contacts in a particular relationship, these can range from just not listening or answering when we’re spoken to, to more overt criticism or abuse) – they’re all subtle attempts to establish ourselves as being in charge.
Bringing these tendencies to our attention before they get out of hand can help us to focus on our pattern of communication with our partner – and how this reflects, or contributes towards, the fundamental challenges in our relationship which, if left unaddressed, may finally cause it to crash and burn.
The Ritual of Mental Seduction
Of course, a little bit of verbal sparring isn’t always a bad thing – in fact for lots of people it’s a big sexual turn-on. The ritual of flirting, or mental seduction, is an essential precursor to potential mating. In fact, many a romantic relationship kicks off solely on the basis of a magnetic meeting of minds, which only slowly evolves into a more physical thing.
Sadly, it doesn’t seem to work the other way around, in that powerful sexual chemistry on first meeting is no guarantee that good communication will necessarily follow on. Perhaps, then, if we’re looking for a relationship that’s more than a one-night-stand, the planet Mercury, and its implications for our love life, deserves a lot more consideration than we might once have assumed.
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